The Lonely Road

Truth… and the seeking of such…

has led me down an interesting path. Definitely the road less traveled.

Drama… all the drama, lol. How they love their extremes. Gotta keep that energy rotating… so they can slurp it up. Nom nom, dream world.

Isolation… alone in my head. The smoke and mirrors can take on so many distracting forms, so that it’s nearly impossible for the ‘normal’ human to become aware of what’s really going on. The humans also have a thing inside them that rejects change… and since truth equals change, the truth is a threat to their comfortableness… which makes me a threat to their comfortableness… which is why I’m alone, lol.

Language… such a barrier. I already have a difficult enough problem when it comes to transforming my vast, all encompassing, abstract thoughts into linear words. Control the mind prison by hiding the keys. Great. Have to rely on keeping my energy high… maybe others will unconsciously react to that. Because I sure don’t make much sense when trying to help others verbally. Though, I’d dearly love to help heal them. All I’ve ever wanted was to help others in life.

Awareness… being aware of all the shit going on inside my head. And remaining aware. Blindly going about life in robot mode is so much easier. If I’m to be of any help to myself or others, I must be able to be, at least, in somewhat control of my thoughts and energies. Or, if not in control, then being able to transform them into different, more useful thoughts and energies is a huge thing. Alchemy and all that.

Humor…  it’s what has kept me from self-destructing, so far. Laughter is definitely a powerful tool. Especially, when I look at my life and how truly alone I am. Sure, I know there are others out there like me. But they do not manifest in my immediate reality. Truth is, I just don’t fit in with anyone in my circle. Something I have to accept… and try to not let lower my vibes. Because that’s when the nasties like to grab hold of me. Nope… gonna laugh it off and keep going. 🙂

The desire to help, heal, and teach burns bright within me… yet, I currently observe that I lack the skills to effectively do these things. Something I gotta work on. Sigh. Life is too much work, lol. But what else do I have to do, while I’m here?

 

To Laugh or to Cry?

I’ve never been the type of human to actually want to… well… exist. Haha. My whole life feels as if it’s been spent in a constant state of WTF??? I do not understand the system that is in place on this planet. Well, I do understand it… but I don’t like it. Too much manipulation, deceit, and trickery. And not the fun kind of trickery. Well, unless you’re the one reaping all the benefits from the trickery. Then, I guess it’s fun for you. But not for the rest of us! Well, maybe some of us who don’t think about things too deeply and who are content with living, going to work, sleeping, gathering shiny material stuff, enjoying vacations, and having families until we die. Ok, it’s not fun for ME! 🙂 I can only really speak for myself.

I’ve always been different from everyone around me. Family, friends, school kids, church people… always found it difficult to fully connect with them on a deeper level. I got along with them okay, I guess, but I always sensed that if they were to see the true me, then they would run away screaming for their mommy’s… “OH MY GOD, what a FREAK!!!”

I learned very early that my deep thoughts hurt most human’s heads, lol. Most humans do not want to discuss the nature of reality and how easy it would be to manipulate it if one had certain abilities and knowledge that was hidden from the masses. I mean, I think that’s a very basic question that everyone should be asking. Kinda like a ‘duh’ type question. Well, they aren’t. Which I find highly entertaining in a way, but it does get kind of lonely. Where’s my tribe? *pouty lip* Why am I so different from everyone else? I’ve yet to deduce this mystery.

I’ve come to accept that timing is a bitch, and that the people who ARE a part of my tribe, may not ever get to be a big part of my life, because of everyone being on their own journeys and whatnot. It still sucks, though, lol, but what do ya do? Well, besides create a spell and fill a parcel full of energetically charged elements that is supposed to attract what you want in life. Yep, did it. Hasn’t worked yet. I’ve also prayed… made an active effort to look for people myself, out in the real world… wished on shooting stars… even gave up some really good coins to the fountain gods, all in an effort to ‘make my dreams come true’. Yep, nothing. Talk about feeling powerless.

They’re always like, you have responsibility and control over your life. Surround yourself with a support group of like-minded humans. Ask and ye shall receive, seek and ye shall find, and shit. Lol… I must be doing something terribly wrong. Or the universe just doesn’t want me to have friends. Or both. Or neither. I dunno… to what extent of my life is in my control, and to what extent is it left up to the cycle of probabilities and seemingly chaotic order that may or may not exist in this three dimensional game? *shrug*

Lol, quit whining… at least I only have a few more years of this hellish dimension. Maybe less, if I’m lucky! I should be lucky… both my sun and moon signs are connected to Jupiter. Yep, at least I don’t live 400 years or more! Well, my spirit does, but not this meat suit!!! This dream will be over soon. Maybe I’ll learn a lesson or two, help a few people, and figure out something important during my time here. If not… whatever. 🙂